cooler*doula

It's hard being an electronic thing...

2009-02-06T21:35:00.000-05:00

That's what it's all about...

2009-01-27T11:26:00.005-05:00

Nothing like a comment from a new reader to jolt a writer back to action. Thanks KraftyKay.
:)

*****

So Tim was trying to get Josh dressed the other morning, and as usual Josh was mentally a million miles away. It went something like this...

Tim: holding his pants
Put your left foot in... Put your left foot in... Josh! Put your left foot in!
See how we stay on message here... Arent you proud of us? Consistency, people...

Josh: a little mystified at first, but then game...
And you shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. That's what it's all about!

Tim: !

*****

So. My dad.

Turns out, this is harder to blog about than I thought it would be. Perhaps because it's not an anonymous blog.

Anyway. Here goes.

There was some good news from the scans. It has not metastasized to the chest or abdomen. Or doesn't appear to have. This means the primary tumor may be operable. A good thing, because Sarcomas respond poorly to chemotherapy. So, surgery and radiation are your best hopes. There does also appear to be some secondary development, but it's nearby. Which gets us to:

The bad news. It is very large. And may involves both tissue and bone.

And that the surgery will at best have a pretty profound impact on his mobility, leg length, stiffness etc.

The next step is a biopsy to determine the type, I believe. And then more meetings. And then surgery.

See, my folks live in the UK, so they are moving slowly through the torturous system that is the National Health. And actually, the journey so far has been positively breakneck speed for the Nash. But, it's sortof ludicrously slow by private medical standards.

(In contrast, the US Government produced Sam's passport in two days. Two days. Color me stunned.)

Watching this unfold from a distance, adds a layer of unreality to the whole affair. I've certainly experienced the initial shock of the news, but, now, with all the waiting, it's hard to absorb what it all means.

Perhaps when we have a complete diagnosis.

I'd hoped to be more eloquent and thoughtful, but Sam is *SHOUTING* at me.

We've got nothing but time...

2009-01-18T19:40:00.003-05:00

So this blog of mine seems to subscribe to the happiness writes white school of thought. You know, things are good, eh, what's there to say.

Well. I wish I wasn't here. I wish I had nothing to say.

We've been waiting for more than a week now for some test results on my dad. What everyone thought was a dodgy sciatic nerve, or maybe a slipped disc, or just old age isn't.

What it appears to be is a Sarcoma.

An unusual cancer in adults.

As a rule, a fast-moving, hard to corner kind of cancer.

So we wait to hear. To learn the exact nature and disposition of this cancer. Probably tomorrow.

Here's looking at you, kid

2009-01-12T06:13:00.003-05:00

You wouldn't think it would be possible to look that happy with as little sleep as that baby is getting...

*sigh*

Worth the run around apparently...

2008-12-25T20:03:00.003-05:00

What not to wear...

2008-12-25T06:19:00.003-05:00

It is suddenly rather warm again in Georgia, after some downright cold and nasty days.

After (illegally) filling up his paddling pool and going for a dip, Josh (who grows increasingly lawless in a mostly funny way... He filled up the basin on the bathroom with sand and made a large batch of mud, also yesterday, and when I hinted that he should stop, because he KNOWS what tomorrow is... He thoughtfully walked away saying, in a very small voice... "Hmmm... I think it's Montessori...") was marched upstairs for a shower.

He came down in a T-Shirt and undies, and proceeded to scamper out the front door, roaring loudly.

Tim: You need some pants!!!
Josh: RAAWWWWRRRRR! Dinosaurs don't wear pants!

Merry Christmas, interwebz

I know you love a little pre-Christmas Drama...

2008-12-24T12:29:00.003-05:00

And I have some!

(Sorry - the blogging mojo is almost gone...)

So. Christmas. Josh has been requesting this one item. And I really didn't want to get it because it's noisy and obnoxious and expensive. Don't make me say what it is. Oh. OK. It's A VERY large, robotic dinosaur.

So I hemmed and hawed and eventually on the 15th, I decided to return the other things in favor of this ONE! BIG! THING!

And of course. Target was sold out.

!!!

Which meant that Amazon was sold out.

!!!

But I found it available online at Wal*Mart and ordered one to be shipped to the local store. Partly to save the shipping, but also to have some secure off-site storage of the Much! Requested! Present!

On the 19th, I get an email saying it's arrived, and for various reasons, Tim can't get to it until last night.

So he goes to the store. After Almost deciding to just wait until today.

And...

They can't find it.

!!!

His phone battery dies, and basically he comes home an hour later. Empty handed. We don't have anything to give to Josh, apart from stocking stuff.

In the meantime, I've called TRU and Target just to be sure. They are all out.

Then I call a couple of 24-Hour Wal*Marts.

No... No... No... YES!!!

There are two left in a store 35 minutes from us. No they won't take my credit card number, but Nicole promises of one sells, she'll hold the other.

Off Tim zooms into the night.

He calls when he hits the highway.

And then, when he gets to the store. Because there's no Nicole working, and no dinosaur being held. Do I know what the box looks like?

"Nooooooo! Just run and loooooooook!!!"

Minutes tick by...

He calls again. There was one on the shelf.

It is now in the garage. This misadventure began at 8pm, and ended around midnight, because you now the checkout process was a 45 minute experience.

*sigh*

If it's at all possible. I hate this toy even more already.

Merry Christmas.

PS(The store called this morning - they still can't find it. Glad we went with plan B.)

Implausible deniability

2008-12-09T07:13:00.003-05:00

*Flush*

*Clink, clink*

*Whoooooosh*

*SMASH!!!*

*rapidly retreating three-year-old*

A: Josh!!! Did you just break the cistern lid?
J: Nooooooooooo.

That would be a falsehood. He did. After lifting the tank to observe the water rushing back in, his release turns out to have been not as gentle as the porcelain required.

No biggie, I think. So last night I sat down to Google a new lid, because my God, how I love to shop online.

Find a site. How odd, I think. They're kindof a salvage business. Perhaps these are just for rare and vintage lids. Holy cow. They cost $200 and up.

Try the manufacturer. Nothing

Poke around. Slim pickings.

Can't find anyone else selling lids...

Do a "can I buy just toilet tank lid?" query.

No.

Or at least, I can. If it can be found. From these salvage type guys. In California. For about $200.

I know what you're thinking. Replace the whole toilet. It will be cheaper. Well. There's labor. And then there's the fact that there's wallpaper on the wall, but I know it doesn't go behind the tank. And there's wood on the floors, so we'd have to match the footprint too. And from what I can tell, this toilet model is no longer being made...

So I send an email to one of the sites.

And he tells me he can't ID it. I need to trace my tank lid, and send it to some other guy who will ID it for me. And then I can see if anyone has one, or wait. They'll keep me on a list for two years.

Oh. My Ghetto Fabulous Bathroom.

So here's the PSA, people.

Unless you want to end up doing a full remodel of your bathroom... Make sure your kids do NOT bugger about with toilet tank lids.

And if you have a Crane one-piece in white with:

"Made in USA 4008 G78 Oct 7 '04" stamped under the lid...

I'll buy it.

Why it doesn't pay to tune out the three-year-old

2008-11-26T12:00:00.002-05:00

So, I'm in the kitchen unloading groceries, getting dishes done and thinking about stuff.

Josh Mom... Oh mom...
Me: Mmmmm?
Josh: Waaah, waah, waaah, waaaah...
Me: Ahha...
Josh: Waaah, waah, waaah, waaaah...
Sam: Gurgle, shriek, giggle...
Me: Mmmmm hum....
Josh: Mom...MOM!!! Sam REALLY likes Skittles...

I think he only had one, and a I came skidding round the corner, I have to admit, that he certainly seemed to be enjoying it. Well. His introduction to HFCS came a whole lot earlier than I'd planned.

On the surgical front, it's the new guy in Savannah, and we're almost certainly not going to do anything. We will have the X-Rays done to get an assessment of the knckles of the ring finger, which may give an indication of whether further motion is possible or not...

I'm alive!

2008-11-24T10:29:00.002-05:00

I was actually thinking of doing the anti-NaBloPoMo, but I messed that up but putting something up on election day, so I guess I can do another post.

We were all up at the crack of dawn to go and see Josh's platic surgeon to determine whether there's anything else we should do to try and improve the mobility in his ring and middle fingers which were separated about a year ago. At the time, he had mentioned that there might be something that could be done surgically. At least. That had been my recollection, so we went in expecting to make a decision on that...

Apparently not...

What IS it about the medical community that I feel CONSTANTLY blindsided on the matter of this child's hand?

Josh's pinky fingers curve inwards (clinodactyly - another dactyly to go and read up on).

It's always been apparent that they do.

No-one's ever mentioned this as an issue.

Until 7:45 this morning.

Surgeon thinks that straightening that one will force him to use the ring finger more. Ring finger is least mobile. Currently, Josh is able to curve the pinky under and use that, bypassing ring finger altogether.

So. We're off to have X-Rays to assess the joints and the clinodactyly.

And tonight I will talk to the Physio neighbor what she thinks.

A quick Googley WOogley suggests that while surgery is almost always successful, there's a risk of reoccurrence.

And as I said to Tim, I'm able to bypass my ring finger with my straight pinky. I think the reason the ring finger is being bypassed is that the damn thing doesn't move, and it's not moving any less because it's being bypassed.

Also - as he grows, there is a chance that the clinodactyly will become more pronounced, so this is something that is supposed to be monitored...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Go Blue...

2008-11-04T22:21:00.002-05:00

Josh was very excited, because he thought we were going BOATING... Not voting. And actually - he went to preschool anyway.

It's looking good for my man.

Here is a cheesy little something tossed together on the fly.

Be the change...

2008-10-21T22:00:00.002-04:00

One of the 20 semi-finalists in CNNs iReporter Film Festival.

I'm not a big fan of the iReport, "send in your cell phone footage and we'll run it on network news" philosophy, but I do like this song, and the message. Very, very much.

A conversation

2008-10-21T15:35:00.003-04:00

*Josh picking his nose, with VIGOUR*

Me: What are you doing?
Josh: Chasing boogits. I will catch them. And I will eat them alive...

Thank you nature documentaries.

Life update: Sleep is going a little better by night. But Sam won't stay out for more than 40 minute stretches by day. I'm. Just. Tired. Could be my newly 39-year-old self. Birthday yesterday.

It's what's for lunch...

2008-10-13T15:42:00.002-04:00

So there was a biting incident at Montessori last week. Josh nipped his best friend, Alexandra.

SO over the weekend, we had a chat. What happened, I asked?

Josh:"Well. I was an Allosaurus..."
Me: "And Alexandra?"
Josh: "She was sausages and egg..."

CRUNCH

2008-10-11T09:56:00.000-04:00

So... Two weeks ago, Josh left his bike in the neighbor's driveway... And she backed over a training wheel.

The bike shop we got it from is about 40 minutes away, but a few days later I was out that way, and stopped in. They gave me a new wheel.

Get home and discover it's a different size.

Went to the local bike shop 5 minutes away. Buy a full set with brackets.

Get home, no socket set, so while I can get one wheel off with a pair of pliers and a wrench, the other won't budge. The brackets look fine, so I'm thinking it's easier to just put two new wheels on.

Drive back to the bike shop. They loosen the wheel. Josh comes too. And rides around the shop like a lunatic.

Get home. Attach wheels. At which point it becomes clear that the bracket that looked fine, is actually fucked.

Take bracket off. Realize that although the set I bought was marked for a 16" wheel, it ain't. And when attached, the wheel is about 2 inches off the ground.

Call bike shop. They can't fix it immediately, but I can drop it off.

Load Josh and bike into car. Again. At this point I should explain that I drive a Mini Cooper. So the bike is on the front passenger seat, but actually mostly in my lap.

When Josh realizes I'm planning on leaving the bike there, he pitches a MONSTROUS fit. We leave 5 minutes later. With the bike. Still in need of repair.

Friday morning, after dropping Josh at preschool, I take the bike to the shop. They don't open until 11.

I have a bunch of stuff to drop at a friend's yardsale, so load the Volvo up, leave Sam asleep with Tim, and plan to drop everything off, and hit the bike shop on the way back. Sam wakes up. Tim is stressing. I get to the bike store at 10:55. Still closed. Tim calls again.

Drive home. Put Sam in the car, and drive back to the bike shop. Leave it there at 11:05.

Saturday morning, leave Sam with the neighbor (I can't fit both kids and the bike in the Mini and Tim is working and has taken the Volvo) and take Josh to get bike.

Hooray.

Tim, while leaving for work this morning, drove over. The fucking. Training wheel. Even though the bike was parked where it should be... In front of his car...

Zipping in...

2008-09-29T20:52:00.004-04:00

...To invite you to
Yearbook yourself .

And then send links to you circa whenever! This is 1964 Vintage of me. Original photo by Josh. Really...

I love Gabba Gabba...

2008-09-19T16:21:00.002-04:00

But I hate Nickelodeon...

Josh: Mama... I'm a Barbie Girl...
Me: Hmmmm... You are?
Josh: Yes. I need the kitties and the slide*...

*That would be the Barbie Luv Me Triple Tricks.

At last...

2008-09-16T11:20:00.000-04:00

We just found the charger... from Alison on Vimeo.

Sea change

2008-09-14T23:53:00.004-04:00

Yesterday, Sam napped. For three hours. Alone. A first.

And as I sat on the couch, with my personal space once again my own, I realized just how... INHUMANE the last 16 weeks have been.

I am depleted. Exhausted. Frustrated. (While at the same time being rather fond of him - you recall how it goes.)

But perhaps we have found the sleep trick for this babe. The safety-nistas won't like it though... It's called sleeping on the belly.

Here he is addressing the floor.

And now I am off to bed...

schmackschmack

2008-08-28T06:41:00.002-04:00

Just. Tired.

2008-08-27T09:20:00.002-04:00

"An important fact for you to remember is that your baby's sleep habits are more a reflection of your baby's temperament rather than your style of nighttime parenting. And keep in mind that other parents usually exaggerate how long their baby sleeps, as if this were a badge of good parenting, which it isn't. It's not your fault baby wakes up."

Dr Sears

That is all.

There is no good parenting badge being worn here.

I'm so tired I could cry.

I guess, at least Sam isn't. Isn't crying, I mean.

He's also not binkying the $7 binky. Or any other, for that matter...

As I was saying...

2008-08-22T14:51:00.002-04:00

Nothing.

Would it be wrong to tape a paci to a reluctant baby's head? Yeah, I know... It would rip out all that sweet baby hair and that would be bad...

*sigh*

I wonder if he'd go for those vanilla scented ones?

The human pacifier...

2008-08-22T14:35:00.003-04:00

is worn out.

She would like to some alone time.

But so far, I've not found the right replacement... According to Sam, anyway. I personally think the selection has been wide and varied and included his brother's personal favorite.

But now... Behold!... A $7 (before shipping) 100% natural pacifier... This pricey bloody thing has a five week lifespan... So I should really be hoping that he won't take it.

It's freshly sterilized...

And he's awake...

Here goes nothing...

sibs..

2008-08-19T15:53:00.002-04:00

At play

2008-08-14T07:23:00.003-04:00

It would be perfect...

2008-08-13T22:00:00.003-04:00

To couple the ease and the "I've walked this path before" sense of the second child, with the time and focus, minus the anxiety, the "omigod, omigod, what the fuck does THIS mean?" of the first.

I sit here with a lovely sleeping babe lying alongside me, and so often, when it's late and it's just us two, I find myself amazed that I actually have another child.

That somehow in the rush of getting us all through the day in one piece from morning 'til night, I miss out.

That I'm on autopilot with Sam.

Feed, change, bounce, next...

I like the night time. When things slow down, and I am able to drink in this new boy.

Nature? Nurture?

2008-08-10T16:32:00.003-04:00

Finally got Josh and the Iris together after an heinously long time... They are hilarious, entirely charming and quite thoughtful considering they are two and a bit and three and a bit...

And then there was this

Iris with purse in one hand and shopping basket in another
"Let's go shopping!!!"

Josh sitting on the floor, playing with Iris' wood truck
"No...I can't... I'm fixing my truck"

Iris
"Just a little shopping..."

Josh
"No...I can't... I'm fixing my truck"

Omigod.

Just because...

2008-08-08T11:53:00.000-04:00

Conversation...

2008-08-06T10:03:00.004-04:00

Overheard from the back of the Mini on the way home from Montessori

Hi Sam! It is Josh. It is me, Josh, hi-ing you.
I missed you.
Sam. You don't any have teeth.
But you have a face.

So. Turns out it may not be thrush. But something a little more... Unusual. Blood flow related... Raynaud's Syndrome... *CRRRRACK!!!!!* Oh Look! Struck by the Nursing Deities again...

Oh look...

2008-08-03T14:51:00.002-04:00

Still have three days of D1flucan to go... And the thrush is flaring up again.

Goodbye pain-free nursing. It was nice while it lasted. What was that? A week?

Fuck me.

Indeed..

2008-08-02T18:25:00.003-04:00

While driving home from the indoor jumping place, Sam screaming the entire way.

Me: utterly frazzled by the shrieking
Jesus Christ, Sam.
Josh:quite sternly.
Sam doesn't want Jesus Christ, mummy. He wants to cry.

And cry he did. For 15 minutes straight.

O....migod.

2008-07-29T21:31:00.003-04:00

It... Has been... A... Day.

I love that Josh loves to help in the kitchen, and that he's an enthusiastic egg-cracker... But I really didn't need him to break out the carton and drop it on the floor and, yeah, break all the eggs, five minutes after I agreed to make him an omelet for dinner.

His interest in music and his instruments warms my heart, but I could have skipped having him march into the kitchen, stark naked, banging on his cymbals 10 seconds after I had finally jiggled Sam to sleep.

And I appreciate his hand/eye co-ordination, but I could have done without being hit square in the chest with a full blast from the hose, even though he'd promised not to, as we were out there reviving the wilting plants.

At one point in the afternoon, he was naked, I was entirely without shirt, or any other upper body covering (see above), when the doorbell rang. Up he leaped to welcome the caller in.

Nooooooo!!!! I yelled at his rapidly retreating bottom.

That's all Jimmy the UPS man needed to see.

Good times, internets. Good times.

Pain-free nursing?

2008-07-25T08:15:00.004-04:00

I know it's out there somewhere.

But the Breastfeeding deities must have painted a target on my back because let's see... Chronic Nipple Damage/Mastitis/Abscess first time around... Chronic nipple damage (caught earlier this time)/healing/getting there... OH! OH! THRUSH!

(Of the boob, people. You're not going to catch me talking about the neveryoumind here.)

For weeks now, actually. Finally a girlfriend sent me her half used Diflucan prescription. And the hot, burning, stabbing sensations are coming to an end. Called the midwives and got a script so that I can complete the course. Why didn't I call them in the first place? I don't know. I sortof did at the 6 week check up. And you know I'm emotionally bonded to them, so I hate to speak ill but...

They peered inside my bra and said, somewhat chastitzingly for my taste "you should be air drying those."

Well. I am. When I'm HOME. Forgive me for putting on a bra and shirt while going out in the world.

I'm tired of being told that "air drying" is some magical freaking cure all. It's not. If it was, it would have worked. I've tested it for just about every condition a nursing mother can expect to face.

And then they gave me Gentian Violet.

But after one day of the infant looking like a deceased Barney Rubble (purple lips and mouth and five o'clock shado from nose to chin) and me transferring purpleness to everything I touched, the Diflucan arrived and I dumped the Ultra-Violet.

So. Things are looking up. Or down, painwise.

But they're not quite done with me yet.

Yesterday, I'm stretching the flapped down nursing bra cup out in preparation of encasing The Producer (aka Lefty) when I lose my grip. And *SNAP* myself. Right. On. The. Nipple.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" I screamed.

Tim popped his head round the corner.

"I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. About. It."

As for the boy and night time dryness... Accident Day three at 2am, ots of upsetness on his part, Days Four and Five, dry again. I think we're done with Huggies. Yeah!

Night the second

2008-07-22T05:22:00.001-04:00

Dry again.

No midnight toilet run required.

But look at post time...

Yeah - a little earlier than I'd like... Still. No laundry today...

Operation No Pull-Up....

2008-07-21T09:28:00.002-04:00

Was actually a screaming success...

!!!

And then I screwed it up.

See. At some point in the night, I know not when, it is better for my sanity that I don't know when or how often Sam is up eating... Seriously. It's a deliberate strategy. Anyway, he woke up. I was just finishing up feeding Sam, so I plunked down the baby, intercepted the wandering three-year-old and put him on the loo.

Then I botched it.

"Would you like to come sleep with us?"

Well. Hell yes, was the answer. He jumped into bed, played with the reading light I use to illuminate diaper changes. Grabbed the can of cashews, ate a few handfuls. Chatted away. Hid under the duvet.

Oh God.

Eventually I couldn't stand it ANY MORE, and carried him (all 44 protesting pounds of him) back to his bad.

I don't know. I was so excited I wanted to do something cool for him. But a midnight feast and gab session was not what I had in mind.

But... Yay!!!

Screwing our courage...

2008-07-20T13:29:00.002-04:00

... to the sleeping place.

So about a third of the time Josh wakes up with a dry pull-up, and a third he doesn't but it's uneventful and then there's the third, where even though he peed just before bed, he soaks right through the stupid thing and we end up with a wet bed, and often, because he sleeps kindof funny, a wet pillow AND a wet duvet.

At 44lbs, there's not a pull-up on the market in his weight category. He's been dry during the day... Since... 23 months.

Tonight.. Tonight... We try NO pull-up. We try NOTHING!

And clearly, we hope for the best.

Hold me...

2008-07-18T15:45:00.003-04:00

In the shower...

He who must be held a lot...

2008-07-18T10:27:00.003-04:00

Continues to require a lot of holding.

His "Omigod!No-one is holding me!" sensor is extremely sensitive. As a result, I spend a lot of my day (most) holding him. When I put him down, he's awake and hollering in no time, and then must be calmed all over again, and I am the pacifier... (He won't take ANY of the brands I've tried. Goes into "Ack, ack. WTF?! You're CHOKING me with this nastiness!!! STOP IT. STOP IT AT ONCE!!!"

So it's just easier to sit, (serenely/hungrily/desperately needing the toilet-ly/ laptop surfingly) with him draped across me.

Upside to this being I will NEVER be able to look back tearfully in my old age and wish I'd held him more. I don't think it would be possible to hold him more. Even when I'm NOT holding him, I think I'm holding him. He was wailing at Tim the other day while I was eating... And I began rhythmically jiggling my bowl of ice cream.

Email me. I'm living online...

Fatty Puffs

2008-07-13T21:59:00.003-04:00

Ah. How I love to bathe this child.

Or rather, how I love to lower him into water.

The WTF!!?? look he always gets. Dang. Funny stuff. Makes up for the sleeplessness. Although he is doing pretty well at night. Today has been a bit rough - loads o' micro-naps all day.

I am surrounded by things in a state of undoneness.

Argh.

Swing. Eh. The jury is out. It worked great yesterday. Not so much today...

Hands-free

2008-07-10T21:27:00.002-04:00

At last.

And watching my new obsession: America's Best Dance Crew. Seriously, people. You NEED to be watching this. M-TV. Thursdays.

Anywho, the boy has become the quintessential anti-Garbo.

He doesn't vant to be alohne. At All.

I have finally caved and ordered a swing. But it better bloody work, or its big, ugly ass is going straight back to the 'Zon.

Days have been... Unproductive.

So, let's see. This month, I have done a bunch of stupendously dumb things.

Forgotten to strap the boy into his seat. Twice. I always noticed within minutes of driving off. But still. Christ.

Took the boys to nearby beach accessible via single lane road for 4th of July fireworks. Let's get the blow by blow rundown here:

- We got to the beach around 8pm
- Josh ran straight into the sea. As he ALWAYS does
- Weirdly, I did not have a change of clothes for him... Or a towel
- Luckily my friend's mil brought a towel... So Josh watched the show naked wrapped in said towel...
- He walked back to their house wrapped in the sheet I brought to sit on (see, not utterly unprepared.)
- We waited at friend's house an hour for traffic to subside - in spite of this, we were instantly stuck in traffic
- And Sam instantly woke up and screamed
- Which woke Josh up, who peed right through the Cinderella pull up we'd got for him to wear got along with hot pink a t-shirt
- So we pulled over, about two miles from the friend's house, took Sam out and nursed him for half an hour, comforted Josh who passed out in his wet car seat
- The 15 minute drive took an hour and a half because Savannah's finest decided to set up a field sobriety test in the only section where the road goes to a double lane
- Sam woke up twice more on the crawl home and screamed his head off until I hung over the seat an stuck my pinkie in his mouth...
-... Umm... NEVER AGAIN!!!

And today I took both boys (sans Tim) to the beach to hang with Josh's school buddy, Alexandra.

OK. It's not good when the wind is howling and the tide is high and the waves are big and your three-year-old is running in the sea and the not-quite-six week old is... HOWLING.

Ugh.

I shudder at the memory of this afternoon.

I am in NO rush to renew my annual beach parking pass...

And now back to my show. It's hot, y'all.

Because we loved her first...

2008-07-01T17:29:00.001-04:00

Tim walking through the dining room stbs his toe for the bazillionth time on one of the rather solid chair legs. It's painful. I've done it too...

Tim: MOTHERFFFFFFFF...... !!!!
Josh: Daddy needs a bandgit*
Me: Yes... And apparently his mummy too.

*Bandage, right?

Well...

2008-06-30T12:36:00.001-04:00

Certainly couldn't make an argument for supply issues here...

10lbs and 4oz at the one month check up. That's up from 7lbs and 6oz.

Dude...

Sam got the first...

2008-06-28T09:12:00.002-04:00

"I love you" from Josh this morning.

I love him too. Especially since he has stopped with the three hours of wakefulness these past two nights.

I can claim no credit - I lacked the energy to keep him up during the day... Well - I did cut down on the eye contact at night... Could it really be that simple? I'm thinking not. But either way... I have had DREAMS the last two nights... Which means I'm making it to REM sleep...

I am (somewhat) restored.

The American Way?

2008-06-26T21:36:00.001-04:00

Josh: Sam wants a cracker
Me: Hmmmm... He doesn't have any teeth, babe.
Josh:... brightly Buy him some!
Me: !

omigod...

2008-06-26T08:30:00.002-04:00

lack of sleep is not good for anything... but despite being awake from 1am to 4am, or perhaps because of, i think i've figured out the whole sleepless in the wee hours thing...

it's the only time he's sleepless...

ergo it's his awake time...

it's not that he wants to eat for three straight hours. thank god.

someresearch on changing baby's clock revealed that gazing into his eyes and saying "dang baby, you are driving me bazonkers" is the equivalent of mainlining espresso right into his veins... the eye contact, not the bazonkers part.

so.

i need to try and transfer the awake time to, say, the afternoon. because right now, i need to sleep. or i will drop dead.

It's a cruel world, kid...

2008-06-25T15:42:00.002-04:00

Damn.

I hurt my baby's feelings last night.

I feel awful.

That he had to learn this at three weeks and some days, is just, well, wrong.

See. His witching hour has been post 10/11pm feed. For some reason, he's just unable to switch off, and so ensues two to three hours of constant nursing/mewling/misery. Last night between Tim and I, we got him over the hump and he went straight to sleep...

HUZZAH!

Until the 2:45am feed... When he woke... And would not sleep. Oh God. At some point during the flipping of baby from left to right, he grabbed a handful of my hair quite forcefully, which I then yanked back... And he stuck out his little lower lip and his expression... Oh God... I broke his heart, right there. And mine too.

*sigh*

It's hard to be a beautiful, compassionate mummy at 4:55am when you've been up almost three hours.

Newspapers... Tragedy or farce?

2008-06-22T21:05:00.002-04:00

So when I bump into people in town who knew me when I was writing for the local paper, they always ask when/if I'll be returning to the (much-maligned) Fourth Estate... (You know, the press.)

My answer is, and has always been a resounding no.

Because, really, as fun as battling with chamber of commerce was, newspapers are quite dreadful places to work these days.

Readership is down, advertising is down so money is tight. This means staff cuts (slashes?) are the norm, because you know, as a newsroom we can "do more with less"! Ah, no. Generally, one does less with less.

Between the two of us, we've worked at a few, and have friends who have been, or are still at most, and we've seen layoffs and buy-outs and barely justified firings...

And here's one little media empire's solution to shaving expenses at the expense of the little guy.

They've stopped the company's contribution to employee 401K policies...But not wanting to seem wholly insensitive, they came up with a way too cushion the blow...

Free movie tickets for all!

(Unless it's a Sony release, then you pay full price, suckers.)

Variability...

2008-06-21T03:22:00.002-04:00

Sometimes he wakes us and eats and conks out in mere moments.

And others he fusses and squirms and eats and eats and eats until I want to just scream "AIEEEEEEEE!!! GET OFF ME!!!"

And then I feel like a jackass. A tired jackass,but a jackass nevertheless.

Nursing... She can be a challenge...

OK... He's finally conked out... G'Night...

And then lots of tiiiiiiiiiired...

2008-06-18T08:39:00.002-04:00

Big Sleep...

2008-06-16T05:12:00.002-04:00

Holy cow.

He slept from 9:30pm to around 4:45am when I eventually woke him because my shirt was drenched and the boobs were just enormous...

He has passed out again, but I may have some pumping to do here to equalize the pressure.

My second Tornado warning of the season...

2008-06-15T18:07:00.004-04:00

While in Target...

I looked like some total whackjob when I checked out with some granola cookies, Nemo jelly candies and a scented candle. Like - here is a woman who braves terrible weather - but at least it's because she has something important to buy...

For the record, on both occasions, the weather was fine when I left home. Although it deteriorated rapidly.

I had gone to look at swings for the new boy. For the record - I don't want a swing. I think they're awful. (If you've not seen the top of the range ones lately, you will not BELIEVE how bloody gargantuan they are.) But he is not put-downable in the afternoon, and this is theoretically the time when I can get stuff done - a load of laundry, cook something, you get the idea.

Oh, he'll sleep in the sling, but I find it's hard to do anything with him in it. Apart from doing light pick-up around the lounge with one foot. I can even pick up kitchen scissors with my foot. Who knew? How they ended up on the floor, I do not know. It wasn't me.

Sam, it's a Humpback...

2008-06-13T19:10:00.000-04:00

The Ladies Who Latch...

2008-06-11T11:25:00.008-04:00

We've been spending some time with them.

Lactation Consultants, that is.

(Yup here comes that PSA I was talking about...)

Last time, my adventures in breastfeeding were a total disaster. Shredded nipples, followed by the Three Horsemen of the Apocaypse: Engorgment, Mastitis and (an [expensive] LC consult at about 5 weeks with what seemed to be the worst possible advice and perhaps was because then came) Abscess. An abscess that made mastitis seem like a lovely birthday present. Followed by early weaning, partial relactation, many tears and much guilt.

This time will be different, I swore.

But by day two, I could tell I was back on the path to total pain. As different as the oral architecture of these two children is (Josh had a profound tongue tie which was likely responsible for his poor latch, Sam has a tight little jaw and was clamping on like a steel trap - upper lip flanged wide, not so much the lower) it felt like I was nursing the same kid all over again.

Revelation - perhaps the problem here was operator error - mine. Being the common denominator, I decided to put on my big girl panties, take responsibility and call the best LC in the county. On day three. And so I did.

She kept it really simple. Didn't recommend any nursing pillows, weird positions, insist I got out of bed and into a stright-backed chair (I'm a sloppy, slouchy in-bed nurser), set time limits. Nope. Just two things.

1) A prescription for Triple Nipple Cream.
A miraculous product that actually allows you to heal while nursing. And helpskeeps all kinds of infections (particularly mastitis) away. Last time, I annointed myself with so much lanolin that it is beyond me how my breasts did not grow woolly and start bleating (lanolin comes from sheep, dontcha know) but never an iota of healing did I see.

2) Slight position change
Easy enough even for the most stoned from sleep deprivation mother to replicate. Admittedly, I had to go in for a refresher, but I was VERY tired the day of our first meeting.

And one week of cream = the pain-free nursing experience I always hoped for. The best news for us sloppy nursers though, is, once healed, you can pretty much get away with any dodgy nursing position.

According to the LC, moms who had latch issues and bleeding nipples first time around are quite likely to be repeat offenders. In the post partum haze, we'll revert to all our bad habits - I was putting Sam on leading with the nose. NO! NO! Lead with the chin, mamas. I had him centered on the nipple. Wrong again. And his head in the crook of my arm. Also wrong. Hence the repeat damage.

So. Got shredded nipples? Get your ass out of bed, and get thee to an LC. And demand that cream. DO IT!!!

Also - buy Jack Newman's book . It' the only one you'll need.

(Why, if I own this book, did I have issues? Well - a month or two ago, a friend was trying to relactate, so I brought it downstairs as a reference, and it got shelved. I located it on the evening of day two as Sam was beinning to holler, and had just enough time to get the chin hint... Which made a palpable difference in comfort...)

Not that it's rainbows and puppies here 24/7

2008-06-09T14:04:00.004-04:00

But kid the first is doing remarkably well with the interloper.

I could still use more sleep... Maybe next year?

PSA on breastfeeding any ~~momentdayweek~~ er... yeah... eventually...

So people are always dismayed...

2008-06-02T19:50:00.003-04:00

... when we would say we were having a photographer at the birth center. It's not medical textbook type stuff we're after, people. But moments like these...

Thank you all for your lovely comments and emails. We're in the land of no sleep and ginormo boobs, which is, you know, what it is...

He's here...

2008-05-31T14:35:00.003-04:00

Arrived in about two hours flat at 5:55 this morning. Two days before his due date - just like his brother... And in half the time... He must have read a book somewhere about labor patterns...

Just made it to the birth center - our arrival delayed somewhat by a cop who thought Tim ought to be driving slower... Really... We had to endure a rather lengthy (considering how I was feeling at the time) lecture on who was allowed to exceed the speed limit... Not us, in case you were wondering...

That "Would you like an escourt" offer is only made in the movies. He's lucky I had the rear window locks on the
foil kid the first, as I was about to roll mine down and bite him... Idiot.

As to who he looks like. Hard to say really - but it looks to us (and the midwife) like we've made a clone of the clone.

Home now, Josh is intrigued so far, and Tim is working.

Thank God for the visiting Grandparents.

As I was saying...

2008-05-30T10:27:00.002-04:00

... Good thing I'm not a gambler.

Still waiting.

Still sleeping.

Could be a lot worse.

A rare Saturday off...

2008-05-24T22:12:00.003-04:00

... for the spousal unit.

We headed out to a nearby fancy schmancy resort that has a treehouse the boy loves. His request.

And a rare belly shot. (We have been TERRRRRRRIBLE this time around. So begins the shafting of kid the second...)

Not being much of a gambler, my money has been on next week. Let's see if I'm right...

Still waiting...

2008-05-22T07:14:00.005-04:00

At acupuncture. No. Fawn does not hand out lollies. I brought that along. Organic. Which makes it good, right?

And comfortably too.

Acupuncture, people. I'm still able to sleep well, without a surrounding fortress of pillows. What a change from all the wide awake time I spent while pregnant the first time around.

Everything is ready - which is more about removing stress than thinking it's going to happen any minute now. (And yes, you CAN fit two carseats into a Mini.) I have a few more naps planned. Pity one can't bank sleep.

So my child is suddenly singing a great deal - my God.

He. Can. Not. Carry. A. Tune. At all.

It's so funny. He drones away in this toneless growl. His lyric de choix took me a while to unravel.

"Dear Joshuaaaaaa... Dear Joshuaaaaaa"

This didn't seem like traditional preschool fare, until I realized it is his favorite line from "Happy Birthday"...

Dear Joshua, indeed...

I love me some Postsecret...

2008-05-18T08:25:00.001-04:00

One of the first things I check every Sunday morning.

More of the same...

2008-05-16T07:20:00.004-04:00

Still sewing...

And prepping diapers. Seriously, people. Do you have any idea how many pre-washes some of these things require? iIt's a lot. Next into the machine - the (machine-washable) wool covers. And then... And then... We're ready. I think.

My evenings have become very contracty, and for a few hours most nights I wonder... "Is this it?" For those of you who don't know the history, I was not the best at realizing that I was really in labor last time. (I had a very fast labor, which no-on expects, and therefore no -one prepares for, and I behaved quite predictably according to the literature: disbelief and panic as what I thought were 'early contractions' were barely manageable. Probably because it was transition.) And the anxious spousal unit made all the calls I refused to and may claim responsbility for our child NOT being born on I-95. Although he did almost make an early turn into the Choo Choo Build It Mart... I arrived at the birth center pushing, and half an hour later... Baby Boy Z.

Last night I was huffing around and wincing as I fooled with laundry, and put yet more pants away for this little boy-to-be. My God, shall he wear the pants!

But here we are this morning... Still one...

At acupuncture on Monday, we'll see how ready the ladies with the long needles think he is. I'm rather tempted to wait for my mother. Which would mean another week. And now that the heartburn is at bay (must go and take Pepcid now before it flares up) I could be pregnant for a while more... If it were up to me... Which it ain't.

I guess we should probably take some pictures of the belly before it's gone - or - before it's smooshy...

So what exactly HAVE I been doing?

2008-05-09T07:14:00.004-04:00

Well... Not preparing for the babe.

Sewing for dough. So now to show...

And I swear, if I never see that blasted insatiable caterpillar again, it will be too soon... Or ask me next week, and maybe I'll have changed my mind. But for now, the machines have been put away, and I have a bag to pack.

Hmmm... Wanted them to look a *leetle* more cuddley...

Naturally, I like THIS one best. Even though rock is not my bag at all. A Fender Stratocaster... Iconic...

And finally, some going home pants for the newling. A little more representative of where it's at for me musically...

This is just a SMALL sample of what's been made. I have pants coming out of every crevice in this house. Aieeeeeeeeeee...

Out on a walk...

2008-05-07T23:11:00.000-04:00

Hammer... Hammer...

2008-05-05T09:56:00.002-04:00

"Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"Cookie... Cookie... Ka! Ka! Ka!"

They are very focused on this learning deal at Montessori, and he seems to enjoy it, so jolly good for everyone. (He spells out the words as the CNN ticker scrolls by... Fun times at chez Zimble)

Anyway, I learned yesterday that this is quite beyond rote and there's a level of understanding in all this letter business...

He dug about in his nose... Pulled out some 'product'... And gazed upon it before solemnly pronouncing...

"Boogit... Boogit... Ba! Ba! Ba!"

36 week catch-all

2008-05-05T09:52:00.003-04:00

Wow. Here we are at the bag packing/ birth plan stage.

Nothing like having a three-year-old in the room for making the time fly by. Good grief.

I have a week's worth of sewing to get through - I caved and made someone a Very Hungry Caterpillar set, and what do you know if I didn't get a bunch of repeat orders. Sheesh. Tres and turntables people. So much cooler...

The boy is at Montessori five mornings a week from today on out. Felt like a weird decision at first, but, this way, he has fun, and I get to do nothing or something or in a few weeks focus on the new comer...

"I twipped"

2008-04-30T22:34:00.002-04:00

Poor little guy. Needed a "bandge it".

The fun police

2008-04-27T13:29:00.002-04:00

So there are the boy and I. At the beach. At the most interesting section of the beach - a jetty of rocks where pools form and you can find hermit crabs and fish and little digging clam things.

And the tide is way off. We're surrounded by sand. And I'm sitting on a flat, barnacle-free rock that's, oh, 3 inches off the ground. And the boy steps onto said rock. Flat. Smooth. Nothing to fear here.

When over my shoulder I spy two lifegaurds. Who have walked 300 meters... (What's that in imperial, like 3 miles? [Yeah, I know it's not, but let's run with the hyperbole for now, hmmmm?]) down the beach. To tell me:

That no-one is allowed to climb on the rocks. And that the minute one person sets foot on a rock, the entire beach will rush over and colonize the rocks. Which would be very bad. Because the rocks are dangerous. There are barnacles. And...

BACTERIA!!!!!

This last warning delivered like it was supposed to galvanize me into action. Like it is a panic button for mothers.

Oh for fuck's sake.

It's a three inch high. Flat. Rock. Surrounded by sand.

Rock pools and kids. Since when did this get onto the danger list?

*sigh*

Sunday, restful Sunday...

2008-04-21T08:25:00.004-04:00

Spent in bed on a four-hourly oral Terbutilane dose. With a three-year-old determined to share every moment of it with me. Good times.

I have this really common little infection that is largely unknown in origin (unless, according to the CDC, you're a power doucher and shagging half the country, neither of which apply here) and it's easy to fix, and not serious... Unless you're pregnant then there's a risk of preterm labor due to its ability to irritate the uterus into action. So. Good times.

Then we were awoken at 1:30am by screams and weeping. Boykin had puked everywhere. Got him cleaned up and into our bed, just in time for the second wave... Because there's always a second wave, right? Luckily (for the bed and frankly, us too) he was surrounded by a nest of towels. Because we've lived through the second wave before. And I learn fast.

"Joshie was burping in my bed! Joshie had jelly in his hair! And on his leg! Jelly was hurting, Joshie."

Well there you have it - the official diagnosis. Jelly.

Today promises to be super: the midwives want to see me, and although he has had no fever, I had better keep him home.

She's a grouch...

2008-04-19T14:01:00.003-04:00

But nothing a little shot of terbutaline couldn't fix. Or, it seems to have, for now.

So basically - yesterday was pretty much wall-to-wall Braxton Hicks contractions. And no, I didn't think I was in labor, going into labor, but this variety of clenchy clenchy is supposed to be stoppable with relative ease. Ten hours seemed a little excessive.

Anywho - earned me some alone time in the car on the way to the midwives and half an hour on the monitor, a heartracing little shot, a how's your neveryoumind? (Long, closed but probably harboring an mild infection which would be the cause of the grouchiness.)

I'm glad I went to see them. It was amazingly difficult to decide that I should, although I would have sent a girlfriend experiencing the same symptoms last night. But at least I didn't go to the beach with the boy. How's that for a quantum leap in putting self first.
;)

We are surounded by babies...

2008-04-17T09:13:00.002-04:00

The Guinea Pigs (Tweedledee and Tweedledum) at Montessori had a litter of four over Spring Break...

A little bird couple who built a nest under the, what do I call it?, Portico? at the front door have hatched a pair of teeny babes whose little heads and open mouths can be seen raised above the edge of the nest...

And with our own on the way, we need to start preparing for how exactly we plan to manage this. No "single plan" for us. Oh no.

See. Tim might be working (he has backups in place - but he'll be an hour away) or he might not. The midwives may be closer in the new building (30 minutes) or they might not (55 minutes). My folks might be here, or they might not. Broken down - we are looking at about 5? 6? 7? different possible scenarios, some of which mean Josh may come with us (along with his own caregiver) or he might stay home. The distance to travel and my fast labors all add a little frisson of danger to the whole exercise too. It's all a little mind boggling, really.

*sigh*

A home birth would have been the easiest. The only problem being that those are hard to pull off in our fair state.

Newly favored nation...

2008-04-14T11:28:00.002-04:00

Daddy Man...

Our yard...

2008-04-13T12:19:00.002-04:00

(Or why the lawn dude is probably tearing his hair out)

The boy, assisted by nothing more than a toy wooden hammer, is slowly excavating a pit under the fig tree in the front yard.

He tells me, he is digging eggs, no doubt inspired by all the Beeb's Dinosaur shows we've been watching of late.

He just came in, and the conversation went something like this...

Boy: I need an egg.
Mother: An egg? A chocolate egg or a chicken egg?
Boy: A chicken egg.
Mother: Ah... No.
Boy: How about a chocolate egg?
Mother: Hmmmm... OK
There are still some left over from easter, see. He leaves with a chocolate egg. And returns moments later...
Boy: So how about a chicken egg.
Mother:... That would still be a no.

My life...

2008-04-13T12:02:00.002-04:00

(Or why it's so hard to keep this house tidy)

On the phone
Me: Baboo. You won't believe it. I just got a bill from Golf for Women... Hahahahahaha
silence
Me: So we actually ARE subscribers to this fine publication?
Tim: Em... I'm getting touch with my feminine side?

We are in serious need of a publication intervention.

Hold on to your chairs - we also receive Cigar Aficionado... That's right... Cigar Aficionado. Tim got it with some unused airline miles, and claims it will help him understand his demographic. Also bunch of poncy lifestyle magazines which are just thinly disguised real estate ads, bridal magazines, news pubs, photography guff and on and on and on.

Literally tons of printed matter comes in daily, and I spend my time trying to get it out without him noticing that it's missing...

Because, see, he doesn't actually have the time to read ANY of it.
:/

Pregnancy brain...

2008-04-11T22:11:00.002-04:00

I don't believe in this...

And yet today I blew off the SECOND Well-Three-Year-Old appointment. The SECOND one, for God's sake. I'm guessing I've been blackballed at this point.

And then I see a small study earlier this year confirms the existence of an inability among the pregnant to remember, oh, anything.

Just the other day...

Striding into Tim's office
Me: You'll be happy to know...
Tim: What?
Me: Ummmm... It's gone...

God help me.

I'm buying a diary. I have about 20 appointments next week. I'm in grave danger of missing more than one of them... The smart money's on 50%.

You say potatoe...

2008-04-11T00:26:00.007-04:00

I took the boy to jump his brains out at this indoor jumpy place this morning. And met up with a bunch of moms from the local Mom's Club.

One of whom was about as pregnant as I am - a little more maybe.

She's being induced on the 19th - her husband is military I think - so timing is critical.

As we left, we both simultaneously said: "Good luck! I hope it goes well..."

My thought was "Luck? I don't need it - I'm having an uncomplicated birth, hopefully in a bath assisted a bunch of women, with midwife qualifications, and perhaps even my mum if she's here in time. YOU are the one who needs some luck with the induction..."

And I'm sure she was thinking: "Luck? I don't need it - I'm having a safe, predictable hospital birth, and I even know the exact date. YOU are the one who needs luck going the unmedicated route where so much could go wrong."

I'll stick with my po-tah-toe and trust birth. It's working for me.
;)

Another catch-all...

2008-04-11T00:12:00.004-04:00

So we finally got my laptop back from those P-F'ers (only took them a week this time) who finally did the right thing and figured out there was a fan not working which was why the beast would not draw any power... In their (perhaps?) overzealous attempt to make up for spousal unit's rage at their ineptitude, however, they seem to have upgraded the version of Safari I was using, and I cannot for the life of me get into Gmail anymore.

"Oh... There it is... No... Oh! There it is... No... Oh! There it is... No..." it cycles endlessly. I am about to burst into flames from irritation.

So I am the proud owner of the world's most indecisive Powerbook AND... The world's smallest stroller/pushchair depending on your terminology. In orange.

A necessity as I am being stubborn about not giving up my almost world's smallest car. (And believe me, if I could get two kids into a Smart Car, I would buy one tomorrow.)

I can't tell you how many people (total strangers) who see me emerge belly first from vehicle, followed by boy-the-first announce (entirely unsolicited)...

*Chuckle, chuckle*
"Guess you're going to be upgrading that car soon..."
"No. I'm not," I generally snap back.

This seems to offend. But really. I am a short person, of little leg, and God knows three and newborn are even smaller. I love my Mini, and we can all fit, (believe me, I've done the research) along with the world's smallest stroller. And the world's largest diaper bag... Which I may not keep... As it is at odds with my minimalist aesthetic.

Boink

2008-04-09T08:32:00.003-04:00

Whoa.

My generally placid intrauterine passenger just gave the bowl of granola resting on his foot (my handy belly shelf) a great big kick.

Perhaps because, like me, he thinks this brand I randomly selected yesterday for the first time sucks.

Cardboard and twigs is what it's most reminiscent of...

Food in a new country... It's hard, and I'm sorry America, but an almost constant source of disappointment.
:(

Some baby news now, perahps. As the groovy fetal graphic suggests, the boy is head down (excellent) and he's appropriately sized. As far as fundal measurements go, anyway. The midwives don't do late ultrasounds for sizing purposes, because, hey, have you noticed how inaccurate they are?

Find a randomly Googled study here...

Or skip right to the conclusion:

"our study does have sufficient power to conclude that performing an additional late third-trimester sonogram offers no benefit for prediction of birth weight"

And yet still, they do 'em...

OK... More...
It's Nine Hours, as TIm's laptop just announced. I'm luxuriating in the fact that both the boys are still asleep and I have access to a laptop that can talk to blogger. And surf faster than the speed of very slow.

It's just me and the new kid, and despite the fact that his arrival is timed to coincide EXACTLY with the start of three months of summer holiday, the boykin's preschool offers summer programs (God, I LOVE them) and he has been signed up... For FIVE mornings a week. It feels odd. But after dull morning at home the other day, we'll all have a much better time of it.

He's on Spring Break at the moment and keeps asking about Montessori. (God. I REALLY LOVE them.)

Which reminds me, the mail was hours late on Monday.
Tim: Is there some random Federal Holiday today that I don't know about?
Me: Erm.... Oh hey! I know! Maybe they're on Spring Break too... You know - Mail Carriers Gone Wild... Think of the possibilities...
(Our mail carrier, a sturdy woman, wears a white wife beater in Summer, btw)
Tim: Please... Stop!

Who wears the pants?

2008-04-08T17:06:00.003-04:00

So, while my spousal unit takes an incredible picture, and can tidy a room faster than anyone I've ever seen, DIY is not his strong suit.

As a result, for the last year, all lawn care discussions with Chuck, our man on a ride-around-mower are handled by me.

But for his last two visits, Tim has wandered out with the check, and the experience has been humbling...

Conversation, the first:

Tim comes back inside looking perplexed
Me: What?
Tim: Well - I don't know how to take this, but Chuck asked me to let YOU know that YOU should put down some weed and feed...
Me: Hahahahahaha... EVERYONE is onto you, my friend...

Conversation the second, two weeks later:

Me: Please go and ask Chuck if he knows someone who can replace the pump on the irrigation system. I think it's on the fritz. Tell him...
Tim: I'm afraid...
Me: It's simple, tell him the controls seem fine, but I think it's the pump. Also... About the pesticide he wanted me to get, ask him if he's worried about the mole crickets.
Tim: Aah...
Me: Do you want me to write this down for you?

Five minutes later he returns

Me: So?
Tim: So he said "I don't know what she wants to do, has she gone out to get that stuff yet?" ... I don't know how to take that.
Me: Hahahahahahahaha!
Tim: He said it was the mole crickets.
Me: What about the pump...
Tim: Oh yes... I'll just go and ask him about that.

Educational programming...

2008-04-05T00:24:00.001-04:00

(He's built a nest on his father's desk, and he's watching "golfs"...)

ooooof

2008-04-04T05:25:00.002-04:00

The demon heartburn woke me up.

The boy has hiccups.

Ah, second trimester, how miss you already...

So pregnancy is a funny thing - there's no gradual slide from "now I'm here" to "now I'm there". Last week, no earlier this week I had barely a discomfort in the world. Now, the uturus has begun its vigorous practicing for the big day. And while not exactly painful, it's certainly... Strident.

I suppose I should order that stroller and car seat and get the spare room a little more ready than it is to receive a full time occupant.Which is to say, it's not ready at all. The crib is still in pieces... In the attic?

Do I put the crib into the spare, I mean, baby's room OR do I set it up in ours? I should say that this question is more about the boykin's feelings as I have no issues with co-sleeping, and doubtless will again, and we are planning to leave the queen in the baby's room, at least until sleep patterns settle down. So I could co-sleep in either spot. And maybe a baby not in our bed would be less stressful...

?

Anyway. Here is kid-the-first (who was also a serial hiccupper, as I was explaining to him in the bath just tonight) running around the neighborhood. I know... He's in his boxers... But that's an improvement on his original (un)attire when he tried to get outdoors: a T-Shirt and some very fetching green St Patty's beads...

Thud

2008-04-03T08:12:00.002-04:00

That would be the sound of the computers in this household crashing all around us.

Tim's, mine again (not surprisin after the stellar service last time around) so we're reduced to his desktop and the 5-year-old laptop that can't, or won't talk to Blogger.
And then there's also been a frenzy of sewing, because it occurs to me, I am running out of time.

In the last few days those trusty Braxton Hicks have begun. Quite uncomfortable they can be. The child to be seems to disapprove of my being up late and becomes quite testy after 10pm. He also received his first cuddle from his big brother. (Unscripted and quite sweet it was too.)

As for the boykin, three IS as befuddling and challenging as others have said it would be. He is suddenly disagreeable and screamy quite often. We are sortof at a loss as to what to do - hopefully something will occur to us soon...

Ah... He's awake, so I'll leave you with one for the girls...

"Daddy's a guy... And mummy's a lady... And Joshie's a lady..."

Yeah. Chicks rule!!

And three years ago...

2008-03-25T22:52:00.003-04:00

Today was the 29th... And we'd just arrived at the Birth Center... After Tim, in his anxiety, almost turned too soon into the parking lot of the Choo Choo Build It Mart...

And the boy was born an hour later.

I lay awake for the rest of the morning, Tim at my back, and this new, tiny human lying against my belly. Just amazed... Still am.

What I've been doing...

2008-03-25T12:23:00.004-04:00

Along with a serger, a new sewing machine (well, new to me, off e-Bay) arrived yesterday, so I was FINALLY abale to finish up some of the projects that have been cluttering the home...

Those a wool pants made for $3 sweaters! And er, inexpertly sewn by me appliques. I'm liking the trees, but I need some more ideas... Anyone?

Limited options. Not a good thing.

2008-03-17T11:18:00.002-04:00

So being a Mac user in a small town means there's only ONE place we can take the Silver creatures when something goes wrong. It's a good 40 minute drive away. And well... There's this...

I took mine in last week. It had stopped drawing power, and the battery life was horribly diminished. Batteries die, it's been around the block once or twice - hopefully that was the problem. That's what I explained. Several times. Notes were made - or appeared to be being made. And then I had to explain to the person taking the details where they'd find the serial number... It's under the battery...

Anyway... Tim gets a call today. It goes something like this.

Tim: What's the story?
Mike: It's working fine. I ran Apple Diagnostics and reset the P-RAM and it's fine. You can come and get it.
Tim: Good etc etc.

He gets off the phone.

Me: They reset the P-RAM?!?! What about the power issue?
Tim: Erm...

dials again...

Tim: What about the Power issue... Oh... The battery *is* dead? So we need a new battery. And you don't have any in stock? OK. So we'll be able to pick it up, but it won't work? OK.

Jesus. Thank you for running Apple Diagnostics, Mike. Nice. Way to miss the point entirely.

Argh...

2008-03-15T12:45:00.003-04:00

Good grief, I hate gardening in the South.

But the front bed was looking terrible - all dead in the middle - so the boy and I headed out, bought a bunch of shrubby type things came back, and did my best speed planting efforts. I'm very quick, but let's say the plants probably have a bit of a challenge getting started. I amended the soil, but the holes? Pretty snug. I could also only find one gardening shoe. But luckily you only need one on the stepping on the spade foot, and luckily that was the one I found. I'm sure the master gardeners across the street were making of my hasty, half-shod efforts...

So what's the problem with being outdoors in Spring? The bugs. And how bad were the bugs?

Bad enough that the boy WENT INSIDE AND LEFT ME OUT THERE ALONE. Taking the juice and caramel encrusted popcorn (which he'd watered) that we'd been sharing, with him... For real...

Abandoning a pile of dirt, his dump truck AND the hose which he'd had been having great fun with.

me: "Argh! No not the neighbor's car... Or the bag of fertilizer..."
him: "Don't make a mess"
me: "Babe - water the plants mummy has just planted"

**scream as i'm hit from behind by a jet of cold water**

him:"sowwy mummy"

And at this point I should reveal an amazing picture of the front bed, curb appeal restored. But I'm NOT going out there again. Sowwy.

199 Days in...

2008-03-13T22:52:00.004-04:00

Flock of Seagulls wannabe

2008-03-13T22:32:00.005-04:00

Ah. Such a look our boy crafted for himself in his sleep. Bravo!

No time for typey typey. I'm afraid my life has been sucked away by my fantastic new serger/interlocker/wonderful sewing machine that Sews!!! And Cuts!!! With Four Threads!!! All at once.

And the boy loves the four different colored tension knobs and twiddles them constantly... Which plays sortof havoc with my sewing. Luckily I'm a hack so there's only so much damage he can do.

Any day now I'll actually complete something, and have an incredible/and/or/ordinary unveiling. But my projects are many layered, and require much thought and time and general obsessing... And then sometimes I exhaust myself with too much thought, time and general obsessing.

There may even a belly shot in the offing... Although we're being hopelessly disorganized on that front. Ah well...

Amen, brother.

2008-03-06T18:49:00.003-05:00

I saw the best handmade political sign in the back of someone's car while driving home from the pool today... Written on a peice of cardboard and stuck in the rear window with tape:

"Someone Smart, '08"

God. Yes please.

Good office help...

2008-03-06T11:40:00.002-05:00

I know it will be hard to fathom...

2008-02-29T21:53:00.003-05:00

... But for reals... The world of cloth diapering is *endlessly* fascinating. I got by on a very small, one variety stash last time, but have gone a little nutso this time around. Er... Newborns need more, so, ah, that's why.

I've also been scouring the local Goodwill for Wool sweaters to turn into teeny baby pants. They are preposterously easy to make. Hopefully a visual soon for the stragglers still coming through here despite the lack of *typey, typey* from me due to above reason.

I do have a valuable life lesson to impart, though, so your time here will not be in vain:

Dishwashers don't do a good job of disposing of unpopped pop corn. But if it's sour mash you're after, they DO do an excellent job of grinding it up and flinging it all over the load of dishes you have in there. While emulating one of those Fisher Price popping toys, but like, magnified.

How? you ask? Well - Josh likes to help in the kitchen, and I fall on the side of empowering rather than worry about the ensuing mess. The open dishwasher door, while the bane of his father's life, is one of his favorite project surfaces, and he was pouring the corn into a bowl there. (He then transfers handfuls from the bowl to the pot. Like Richard Carrier, my child uses a lot of pots/dishes per recipe. That is probably too obscure a reference for the entire planet, except my mother, who had a lot of his cook books and no dishwasher. Oh look! We're back at the dishwasher again...)

And finally, for having made it this far, a boykinism...

Last night I managed to evade being nagged into his bath. But he insisted I sit "on the towel" and talk to him.

"Oh darling," I asked. "Wouldn't you rather have some peace and quiet?"

When I lifted him out later and asked if he wanted to go and play trains for a while? He said no...

"Some peace and quiet," he shyly mumbled.

Aaaaaaaah.

Happy extra day of the year, internets. Have a good weekend.

I had to ask...

2008-02-25T20:13:00.002-05:00

So the boy has this mystery almost diarrhea again... Tim found him playing trains with some pretty disastrous pants...

After a basin bath, I bring his pyjamas downstairs to the washer, where I find a bedraggled stuffed toy puffin waiting its turn to be washed also.

Back upstairs to the office...

"So... Was a puffin an innocent bystander, or did you use it to mop the floor...?"

Sew, mama, sew...

2008-02-25T19:15:00.002-05:00

So I'm finally putting the unsued mini stash of quilting fabric to good use making teeny weeny karate pants for the babe.

But I have hit an impasse or two.

Who the hell knew that fabric designs are produced, sell out, and aren't available anymore? Sweet Jesus. I NEED some Flea Market Fancy and I can find a few places that have some left but none have the one I want in the color I want.

AIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

And then I was able to get a pair of pants out of two fat quarters... The only two of this fabric I have... And guess what? I screwed up when placing the print, so on one leg the leaves face up... And on the other... They face down. And yeah - it's going to be REALLY obvious.

Shit. I'm such a hack...

I'm going to bed.

Progress in more ways than one...

2008-02-24T20:58:00.005-05:00

In which we both get our way...

We have this fig tree in the front yard - GREAT climbing tree. The neighborhood kids spend half their life in it. We've been lifting the boy in, and he's become pretty brave about moving between the three lowest (5+ feet off the ground) forks that make for good sitting spots.

So the other day he was playing in the front yard, and he dragged his father's three-step ladder to the base of the trunk. Haha. How cute, I thought.

Today when we got back from the beach, I left him outside while I dashed in to answer that ever-present urgent, er, urge that comes with my current condition... And walked out the front door in time to see that, one month shy of his third birthday, he had pulled himself the final almost three feet into the tree from the top of the ladder. Er... Haha indeed. He's part Monkey, apparently...

Ahem...

And in better parenting news - it seems the low-key approach is working well with the boy and the one on the way. When I asked him the other day why my tummy was getting bigger, bigger, he happily snickered that there was another baby in there, of course. Fabulous. I can't quite get into the "gosh - it's going to be super to have a baby brother" because really, it will be eventually... But probably not immediately. For any of us. Hello sleeplessness. How I can't wait for you again.

I tried taking him to the midwife check-up as many and the literature suggest (all is well, this pregnancy has become delightfully hum-drum and unthreatening) last week, but as I suspected, it was not great. He was MIGHTY suspicious, and glowered at Jill from a chair in the corner of the room. You could see he kept waiting for someone to whip out a scalpel and slice up his hand again. Poor baby. His three-year-old check-up is going to be a blast.

Oh! And lookie loo. 99 days to go!

Earth to Mother-in-Law...

2008-02-18T21:56:00.003-05:00

So she thought it would be a *lovely* third Birthday present for the boy if she and the other grandparent took him... To Alaska this summer... To see the whales, and such.

.....
.....
.....
.....

I. Surrender.

Halcyon parenting days

2008-02-16T22:33:00.003-05:00

They really do happen.

Make pancakes with enthusiastic assistant (experience minimal to light splattering of batter).

Go to beach for hours and hours (experience minimal to light splattering of sand and water).

Home for dinner and movie, punctuated with more potty success (any day now I'll start taking this for granted).

He falls asleep on the couch next to me at 7:30 (hello, quality alone me time for more fascinating cloth diaper research/obsessing).

Aaaaaaaaah.

What does tomorrow hold?

Oh yes. A bunch of two-year-olds at a Birthday party at some indoor jumpy castle place... And I still need to get to the mall to get a gift. I'll enjoy the quiet while it lasts. And I should probably get to bed.

Inside the preschooler's mind...

2008-02-14T17:11:00.003-05:00

So next time the boy drives me nuts, I will try to remember this outburst as an indication of decision process he is negotiating many, many times a day...

So he's trying to get his pants up after a potty break, and he's standing on the legs so they're stuck...

"Mummy help... No daddy... Aaaah mummy... No mummy... Eeeeeeeh... Aieee!!! Joshie's turn!!!"

I was mentally exhausted just listening...

Do something good for your heart...

2008-02-14T10:58:00.006-05:00

A South African doula whose blog I frequent has an urgent appeal out for gently used teeny baby clothes.

Mel makes and fills diaper bags to give to needy moms when they leave hospital with their newborns. The effort is entirely volunteer funded, and they're really low on 0-3 and 3-6 month baby sleepers/jammies/nightgowns/shirts and pants. Without her help, these babies sometimes leave the hospital wrapped in newspaper. Really.

Here's how you can help without paying international postage - but time is of the essence. Karla is leaving from Augusta at the end of the month, and she will be taking whatever she can collect with her to Mel. That's at the end of THIS month, so she's going to need items by Feb 25th.

For more on the what and how to get in touch, visit Mel's blog here.

Thanks, grilles. Happy Valentine's Day.

Ah, crazy times in Casa Z

2008-02-13T20:38:00.002-05:00

I'm expending all my spare time and energy on researching my next adventure in... Cloth diapering!!!

So many options, people... You simply would not believe. But I'm narrowing them, I am, I am. Natural fibers are the current front runner...

In other news the pooping potty miracle continues. Thank you, Toilet Gods. I think at this point it's safe to say we've leapt that hurdle and night time is all that remains. Any advice here? Do I wait to see if he's waking up dry? Probably so - if I learned anything in this process, it's that it happens at THEIR pace. And frankly, we're making pretty good time, so I won't complain.

He came through in the clutch.

2008-02-09T17:16:00.000-05:00

So. I have been passing over the poop issue in silence. Not to mention that since starting the first preschool he went from peeing with confidence to holding it instead. For hours. Until 3:40pm one day. Gawd.

We'd reached this agreement where he poops in the first pre-bedtime pullup. And I was very much at the point where I couldn't imagine it ever being any different.

And then. Yesterday afternoon, he suddenly turned to me with a look of sheer panic.

"Mummy! Pos!!!"

We tried the big one. Nothing. So I plunked him on the little one, and walked off.

What do you know?

Diarrhea. In the potty.

And today, coming back from the beach, as I checked him in the rear view mirror he looked both tired, and kindof panic stricken. Again.

The minute we got home.

"Mummy! Big Pos!!!"

I took a shower, plunked him on the insert on the big toilet. Aaaaaand...

Diarrhea. In the toilet.

An hour later, halfway through my afternoon doze on the couch, he hopped up, grabbed his potty, sat down in front of the Thomas-A-Thon and...

Diarrhea. In the potty. And puke on the floor.

"I spilled it," he wailed.

No fever though. And total potty success.

Er, hooray?

Stay in treeeeee...

2008-02-08T20:56:00.000-05:00

Once placed in the tree, the kid nows climbs around fearlessly. Although not yet three. Crazy. Mind you, this would be the child who takes his chairs outside so that he can climb onto the deck railing and walk along it like a tiny acrobat...

cooler*doula

It's hard being an electronic thing...

That's what it's all about...

We've got nothing but time...

Here's looking at you, kid

Worth the run around apparently...

What not to wear...

I know you love a little pre-Christmas Drama...

Implausible deniability

Why it doesn't pay to tune out the three-year-old

I'm alive!

Go Blue...

Be the change...

A conversation

It's what's for lunch...

*CRUNCH*

Zipping in...

I love Gabba Gabba...

At last...

Sea change

schmack*schmack*

Just. Tired.

As I was saying...

The human pacifier...

sibs..

At play

It would be perfect...

Nature? Nurture?

Just because...

Conversation...

Oh look...

Indeed..

O....migod.

Pain-free nursing?

Night the second

Operation No Pull-Up....

Screwing our courage...

Hold me...

He who must be held a lot...

Fatty Puffs

Hands-free

Because we loved her first...

Well...

Sam got the first...

The American Way?

omigod...

It's a cruel world, kid...

Newspapers... Tragedy or farce?

Variability...

And then lots of tiiiiiiiiiired...

Big Sleep...

My second Tornado warning of the season...

Sam, it's a Humpback...

The Ladies Who Latch...

Not that it's rainbows and puppies here 24/7

So people are always dismayed...

He's here...

As I was saying...

A rare Saturday off...

Still waiting...

I love me some Postsecret...

More of the same...

So what exactly HAVE I been doing?

Out on a walk...

Hammer... Hammer...

36 week catch-all

"I twipped"

The fun police

Sunday, restful Sunday...

She's a grouch...

We are surounded by babies...

Newly favored nation...

Our yard...

My life...

Pregnancy brain...

You say potatoe...

Another catch-all...

*Boink*

Who wears the pants?

Educational programming...

CRUNCH

schmackschmack

Boink

ooooof

Thud